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According to sources, Christina Paxson has just solemnly flipped her “Days Since Last Protest” sign back to zero.
“I was really excited to make it to three, it would have been a record for the month,” said Paxson, woefully shaking her head as she gazed longingly at a photo of her younger self. “I thought this old day-counter thing would be a nice reminder of how great a President I am, but instead it just kind of bums me out. I don’t know why I keep it around, to be honest. I’m constantly flipping this thing back to zero.”
“I mean, my office is right above the main green,” continued Paxson as she gazed out of her office window, sorrowfully lamenting on her own positionally. “I have no choice but to see the students every day protesting me. I guess it’s the nature of the job. Then I just have to pretend I can’t see them? I just hope none of them see that I have this day-counter on my desk, that’d really blow my cover.”
At press time, Paxson was seen somberly using a rock to add another line to her wall covered with tally marks.
