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An unaccountable phenomenon has been recorded at the Ratty, where a person using tongs in front of you is actually trapped in a small zone of slow motion.
“I’ve been waiting for, like, 3 minutes for this dude to pick up four small potato wedges,” said bystander Lucy Frank, unaware that freshman Jack Kim was actually stuck in slow motion and every movement with the tongs felt like wading through honey. “I guess some kids just never learned how to respect other people’s time. It would be kind of sad if it wasn’t so rage-inducing.”
“I have a class to get to in 20 minutes, and this stupid idiot is just dilly dallying as if there was nobody in line behind him,” stated Lorie Dickenson, who could not have foreseen that Kim was not in control of the situation, and the slow motion pickup of his fifth potato wedge was completely involuntary. “I’m not one to get angry easily, but I swear I almost had an aneurysm just watching this jackass pick up food.”
At press time, the cars on Thayer were trapped in fast motion.
