Partly Cloudy, 64°
Noting that no insult could cover the scope of his strangeness, neighbors confirmed last Tuesday that the snake curled around area 27-year-old Mark Shively’s neck was not the weirdest thing about him. “He wears that Albino Corn Snake like a scarf and feeds it sandwiches,” said PTA President Sandra Kaplan, adding that Shively is also known for loudly complaining about the weather in his parked yellow Kia convertible. “He’s always listening to Lou Bega’s “Mambo No. 5” on his iPod Video. And filling our local Starbucks with ads for his math tutoring business. I invited him to the summer neighborhood barbecue, but he left without a word after someone told him there wasn’t any Dr Pepper at the drink station.” At press time a group of kids with spray paint could be seen standing outside Shively’s house trying to figure out what to graffiti on the broken garage door.
