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The entire Department of Philosophy was destroyed Monday by a massive explosion, believed to be the result of a thought experiment gone horribly wrong.
Students and faculty who escaped unharmed reported feeling rapid, violent paradigm shifts and hearing screams from one the classrooms, believed to be the source of the explosion. While the cause of the disaster has not been officially determined, there is strong evidence that it may have been the result of an exercise conducted in PHIL 0220: “Introduction to Philosophy.”
“Professor Jacobsen had us envision ourselves in a sensory deprivation chamber whose entire interior was covered in land mines,” said Phil Newman, a student in the class. “And boom, the whole place went up.” Newman speculated that it might have been unsafe to conduct such a volatile experiment in an introductory class.
Paul Butler ’15 reported hearing "people yelling about consciousness and something about a trolley car full of people” before escaping the building, which was entirely consumed by intellectual fire.
Patricia Mitchell, head of the philosophy department, said, “I speak for the entire University community when I say that I am shocked and saddened by this unprecedented catastrophe. We ought to seriously contemplate importance of safety and transparency in conducting research of such an advanced and delicate type.” Attendants of the conference reported that further thinking added to the dreadful mental toll of the day.
No one was killed in the accident, but EMS responded to dozens of individual existential crises.
