Partly Cloudy, 64°
Sources report that the TA for PHIL 0210: Early Modern Philosophy is guiding students to answers by stroking their chins for them.
“I’m not sure how I feel about it. I tried my best to answer the question, but he just sighed and told me I’d never unfurl the Gordian knot of mortality without committing physically,” admitted Brianna Adams ‘27 as her TA moved his thumb and index finger up and down her chin. “And when I started doing it, he said it wasn’t nearly vigorous enough and just reached over.”
“On one hand, he helped me see things I’d never seen before. My mind has traversed countless realms. I have navigated the lattice of existential paradoxes to spite the spirit of creation itself,” weighed Adams as her TA orchestrated her chin with the precision of a seasoned philosopher. “On the other hand, my chin is really starting to chafe. It’s become raw, and I think he’s drawn some blood.”
At press time, the TA was spotted frozen in The Thinker pose atop a library stool.
