After an old man disrespectfully tossed crumbs on the ground for some birds, a local pigeon insisted that he doesn’t need your handouts. “I can’t believe this!” the pigeon said, deeply offended by the incident. “I’m not going to eat a stranger’s leftover muffin off the ground. I’m not desperate! If I want a freaking muffin, I can get one myself. The audacity of this guy, thinking I want to eat his trash. What a jerk!” At press time, the pigeon was chiding the younger generation of pigeons for not being self-made birds.

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