According to reports, area woman Maddie Thom keeps her plunger in the bathroom cabinet like it’s not a rubber stick covered with molecules of human shit. “I thought it made sense to put the plunger here in this little space next to my hand towels and other bathroom supplies,” said Thom, acting like the wooden stick with a rubber suction cup at the end wasn’t her go-to tool for removing clogs of toilet paper from feces-infested water. “It’s pretty useful. If the pipes ever get backed up, I can reach right here right next to my scented candles and hand soaps and fix it right away.” At press time, Thom’s grill was kept open under a tree like squirrels didn’t pee all over it.

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