Partly Cloudy, 64°
Point: “Wow, It’s So Funny Seeing All The Freshman Nervously Grouping Up”
By Suzie Davis
Hahah isn’t it great seeing all the friend groups the freshman form during the first few days? Yesterday I was walking down Thayer and had to cross the street to pass a group of literally 18 of them looking for a party to go to. I remember being in that stage so well. Now, I look at those people and don’t even say ‘Hi’ to them when I see them around campus. And the funniest part of it all is how no one ever wants to split off into smaller groups and do what they actually want to do so you end up doing the blandest things ever, like walking through downtown Prov to get donuts hahaha. Thank god I’ve found my people here and don’t have to go through that anymore.
Counterpoint: When the Water Wars arrive, they would be the first to monopolize resources. Act fast or be banished to the Arid Valley.
By Al Gore
It is with great trepidation I warn you that we as a species are on the precipice of a very, very tall cliff. The latest IPCC report on climate change predicts global warming well above even the most alarming predictions. Our leaders have stood by idly as two degrees warming became not just a doomsday scenario, but an inevitability.
So your little anecdote, though charming, reflects the mentality of the damned. When the water wars arrive, those that you mock would be the first to secure local lakes, cisterns, and means of water filtrations. That group of 18 freshmen you mentioned? They would club you and your ‘best friends for life’ to a pulp in the first battle for Lincoln Woods Lake. It’s great that you and your roommates share a deep passion for French Literature and they understand you in ways you could never have imagined, but that’s not going to help when you lead your measly group of three in a charge over the Water Lord’s compound wall to secure the last remaining reserves of freshwater in the Northeast.
I was once like you. I was a watcher… a weasley divinity student at Vanderbilt content to ignore the catastrophic direction of my species. But no longer can we watch as gas companies continue to extract resources and ignore the externalities they incur. No longer can we watch as plastics contaminate our oceans. And no longer can you mock those anxious, hive-minded freshmen because they just might be the ones to decide whether you drink free, or get banished with the rest of them.
Heed my warning. Expand your social circles; befriend the engineers building rockets, the jocks lifting weights; drop your CS friends. Or don’t. Just don’t ask for a ride in my Mad-Max Electric Humvee as I zip on out of the Arid Valley.
