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Saying that he didn’t want to disrupt the man who was speaking, polite senator Ron Wyden (D-Or.) told reporters that he was too embarrassed to go use the bathroom during senator Tom Cotton’s (R-Ark.) 36-hour filibuster of gun control legislation.
“I really have to pee but he’s talking and I’d feel guilty if I just got up and went right now,” said Wyden, who sat with his hands over his lap trying not to think about his ever-expanding bladder. “I’m waiting for indications that maybe he’s almost done talking, but people say he’s gonna be going for a while. I have to pee so bad.”
Wyden reportedly looked around nervously, checking to see if any of the other senators had gotten up to use the bathroom since Cotton’s speech began. He also chastised himself for drinking a bottle of water before the speech and forgetting to go before it started.
“I saw another senator on the other side of the chamber get up and come back a few minutes later, but I honestly thought it was pretty rude,” Wyden said, noting that the other person made a bunch of noise entering and exiting and that it was not very considerate of who had the floor. “If I were filibustering for an entire day and someone just got up and left while I was speaking my heart out? I’ll tell ya, I wouldn’t be so happy.”
Looking at his watch, Wyden let out a sigh as he noted there was still 18 hours left in Cotton’s speech. “I guess I’ll have to wait it out,” Wyden said. “Terrible time to be a man with a bladder condition and restless leg syndrome.”
At press time, sources confirmed that Senator Cotton’s pants were drenched in piss.
