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Results of a recent poll revealed that 98% of freshmen dislike it when you crawl into their beds at night and whisper the speech from “Braveheart” into their ears.
The survey’s results show a slight increase from last year’s freshman class in the amount of people who wouldn’t want you between their sheets at 3:00 a.m. rallying them to battle while doing your best Scottish accent.
“We’re seeing a very clear message from the students on this issue,” explained Dean of the College Maud Mandel. “Nearly all of them do not like it when you tell them the tyranny of Britain can never take your freedom away and now they really just want you to leave their bedroom.”
Many students commented that it wasn’t the general concept they were opposed to, but rather the method of execution.
“I just think Braveheart’s kinda outdated, you know?” said Steven Joltic ‘18. “Maybe you should try the speeches from the ’Dark Knight’ or ‘300.’ Ooh! Or the one from ‘Lord of the Rings,’ where Aragorn is riding on a horse! That one’s a classic.”
When asked in a follow-up poll, 100% of freshman said they would be fine with your nighttime speeches if you were Mel Gibson.
