A recent poll of professional scientists and American citizens given by the California Institute of Technology shows that there is a large gap between what scientists and the general public think people should be fucking. “The results are fascinating, but not entirely surprising, as scholars have known for years that scientists and everyday Americans simply have divergent views about what should and shouldn’t be fucked,” said Professor of Statistics and Probability James Patterson, adding that 96 percent of Americans think some quantity of romantic partners should be party to sexual activity, whereas only 25 percent of scientists agree. “There are many theories amongst scientists as to what people should be fucking, and it’s unclear whether a significant number of scientists even agree on what can and can’t fuck or be fucked. For instance, much progress has been made of late in artificial intelligence fucking. The general public simply doesn’t have access to this kind of data, and so the gap remains.” At press time, a related study concluded that most Americans think about sex literally all the time, whereas most scientists are unsure as to what sex even is.

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