Partly Cloudy, 64°
In the wake of partisan redistricting across the nation, a local polycule has reportedly been gerrymandered.
“This is a blatant violation of our house’s constitution,” said Mellisa D’amor, minority leader of the nine-person relationship network. “We thought incorporating the network into a nested kitchen table polycule would allow equal representation across the board, but recent developments have begun to threaten the very fabric of our relationships.
“The recent redistricting of our network has shifted power towards the pro-parallel polyamorists, who threaten to abolish the big communal bed in the living room. They know that their position is unpopular, so they’re doing everything in their power to silence the voice of reason,” continued D’amor, attempting to mediate a heated argument between her boyfriend and her other boyfriend. “The pro-paras’ rhetoric is really dangerous, and borders on monogamist language. I fear for the survival of our polyocracy.”
At press time, D’amor led a protest outside the house to abolish the Sextoral college.
