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The Brown Noser

Pope Francis Clearly Using Tostitos Lime After Misplacing Eucharist Wafers

Published Friday, April 21st, 2017

Explaining that the Holy Father smiled and acted like nothing was wrong, worshippers confirmed that Pope Francis was clearly distributing Tostitos Lime after misplacing the Eucharist wafers during last Sunday’s mass.

After retrieving the Eucharist’s container early in the service, the head of the Roman Catholic Church shook it once, froze, shook it again by his ear, then slapped his palm to his face.

“We could clearly see the assisting priests bring out a few bags of Tostitos and hide them behind the altar in the middle of Mass,” said service attendee Vincente Corredi. “Then, during one of the hymns, he pretended to drop a couple of the communion cups and spent a couple minutes filling them before standing back up.”

“They were overflowing with Tostitos when he put them back on the table,” he finished.

Congregants pointed out that the spiritual leader of 1.2 billion Catholics was also missing some of the communion cups, as some Eucharistic ministers were handing out the Tostitos Lime from paper plates. The communion wine, which was drunk from Solo cups with crosses drawn on the side in Sharpie, tasted to many like Coca-Cola Cherry.

“It was bite-size, so I didn’t realize it was different until I put it in my mouth and it tasted like a salty corn chip with just a hint of lime,” said Emilia Leone. “I could tell that something was off because when he blessed the Eucharist, he ate a couple, and licked his fingers after.”

Though the mistake is a first for the Roman Catholic Church, it came only a week after the Pope came to a mass 15 minutes late after losing track of time playing online solitaire.

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