Sunday, November 17, 2019
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The Brown Noser

Potted Plant In Dorm Wishes It Didn't Need So Much Fucking Sunlight Either

Published Friday, October 25th, 2019

Sources confirmed yesterday that the potted plant in Archibald 432 wishes it didn’t need so much fucking sunlight either.

“I don’t know why I’m like this,” the plant complained. “If I don’t get enough sunlight, I wilt. That’s just how it is. I didn’t ask to be this way, but for the love of god, just open the blinds in the morning!”

The inhabitants of A432 have tried to be supportive of the plant, but no amount of sunlight seems to be enough.

“Do I like being this dependent on light? No,” the plant added. “But this is what I was born to do. I germinate. I photosynthesize. I liven up the room. That’s why I’m here, and that means I need to be on a windowsill!”

At press time, the plant was sorry that it needs soooo much water.

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