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In a display of foresight this week, precocious child actor Mia Stultz was reportedly excited for her future as a fentanyl-addicted has-been.
“I’ve been taking auditions ever since I ended my role as Betty Blink on the hit sitcom, Blink And You’ll Miss It,” Stultz said as she accepted an invitation to‘hang’ with Matthew Perry’s dealer in Van Nuys. “But honestly, I’ve been working since I was two, so I’m ready to be addicted to opioids and have nobody remember my name.”
“Being a child actor is stressful," Stultz confessed, shoving a baggie of white powder back into her Fendi purse. “I just want to fade into obscurity and keel over on a Z-lister’s couch after getting dropped by my agent.”
At press time, Stultz was dreading doing commercials for the rest of her natural life.
