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Reports from the Providence Police Department indicate that their prime suspect in a recent murder case looks strangely like a gun.
“It was like a flash,” recalled Marise Goodrow, a witness to the crime. “One instant, all is peaceful and quiet, the next, a roughly gun-shaped person went ‘bang!’ real loud, and they shot a projectile from their mouth directly at my friend, killing her instantly! Oh, but I got a great view of the perpetrator. I mean, they looked so distinctive. Kind of like…a gun!”
“When I saw that guy during the perp walk, I knew he was the one who shot my friend,” clamored Goodrow, readjusting her two-inch thick glasses. “As soon as I saw him, I pointed and started screaming, ‘Gun! Gun! Gun! He’s the gun guy!’ Well after that, the police carried him out and put him in a cell. I’ve never felt safer!”
“I’m telling you, I have no idea what she’s talking about!” screamed the police’s prime suspect, Bill Callister, from behind the bars of his prison cell. “I don’t know who the victim is or why anybody would want her dead! It’s not my fault that I look kind of like a gun! There’s been some kind of terrible mistake!”
At press time, a car-like man was being arrested for trampling a woman to death on the highway.
