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The Brown Noser

Problem Child Grows Up To Be Problem Adult

Published Friday, September 16th, 2016

Former problem child Mike Hanson has, according to those close to him, grown up to be a problem adult.

Hanson is known to former classmates and teachers as a disruptive class clown with a deep-seated disrespect for authority. Multiple sources report that he loudly demanded to speak to a manager after a cashier refused to allow him to return spoiled milk earlier this week.

“He started making fun of the manager’s glasses,” reports former classmate Tom Sheffield. “I mean, honestly.”

“Mike was quite a handful in class,” said his former teacher Kate Byers. “Every lesson, he would interrupt me to crack wise. Not just once, but multiple times. And how he’d complain! He’d try to get out of every single worksheet.”

Not all sources identified Hanson as a problem adult, however. “Mike’s always been a bit on the ‘wild side’”, his mother Anne said. “His father wasn’t around much, so he acted out a little. It’s normal. There’s nothing wrong with him. He graduated and moved out and found a job. He’s fine.”

“I did pay his rent for the last six months,” she added. “But he’s had a hard time since his jerk boss laid him off. Nothing’s ever been easy for my Mike.”

Hanson was recently fired from his position as a part-time mechanic, after refusing to change the oil on a minivan because ’he’d just washed his hands’.

At press time, sources reported that Hanson’s front yard had approximately two feet of grass growth.

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