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The Brown Noser

Prodigy First-Year Has Already Mastered Art Of Making Sure Ratty Worker Understands He's Just Gonna Head To The Bathroom And Will Be Right Back

Published Friday, September 13th, 2019

First-Year Noah Glickman has already mastered the art of making sure the Ratty worker sitting at the front understands he’s only heading to the bathroom, and he will be right back. Glickman has surprised upperclassmen and Ratty staff alike by how quickly he’s learned the nuanced facial expressions and hand gestures along with a polite yet emphatic mouthing of the words, “I’m just going to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”

“It just came naturally,” Glickman said. “I figured I needed to let her know that I was only going to the bathroom so that she wouldn’t think I was trying to sneak in when I came back. I know for sure I wouldn’t have been able to explain that I wasn’t sneaking back in after the fact, so I guess my instincts kicked in, and I did what I had to do. I’m no hero.”

“I don’t know how he’s got it down so easily,” wondered junior Bobby Delapuerta. “Once when I was a freshman, I came back from the bathroom and just tried to walk by, but the lady said I needed to swipe my card. So I did. I didn’t know what else to do.”

At press time, Glickman was seen expertly signaling to another student that he wasn’t using that chair and they could take it.

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