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The Brown Noser

Professor Clearly Drafts Emails With Single Finger

Published Friday, February 5th, 2021

According to student reports, biology professor James Scampini clearly drafts all of his emails with a single finger.

“Come to canvas tues," Professor Scampini wrote in response to one of his student’s inquiries, exercising solely his index finger before delicately signing off with his first initial, “j.”

“See me at office hrs 2-4,” clarified Scampini in a follow-up note, fitting the entirety of his message in just the subject line of the email before putting his typing finger to rest for the evening. “thanks much.”

At press time, Scampini was reportedly wielding all ten fingers to draft a four-paragraph criticism of a student’s discussion post.

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