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In a surprising turn of events, Dr. Frederike Nimkin has exploded on the very first day of his class, CHEM 0100: Introductory Chemistry.
“The first few minutes of class were pretty standard, going over the syllabus and grading, but then to everyone’s surprise, Professor Nimkin exploded in front of the whole class,” recalled Emily Burns, a sophomore in the class who still had some of Nimkin’s blood on her clothes. “We didn’t know if it was a trick or part of his plan or something, so after he exploded, a lot of us just stayed and waited to see if anything else was going to happen. Turns out, he really did explode. Now I need to figure out a different class to take. Good thing there’s still two weeks of shopping period I guess.”
“When Dr. Nimkin exploded, I started to really panic,” said the TA Jessica Albert, who was emailing the dean to find out if she still had a job. “Like, if he’s not there, does that mean that I have to teach the course? I know the content pretty well because I took it last year, but I don’t know if I could teach the whole thing! Luckily for me, Dr. Nimkin had uploaded the syllabus to canvas, so I could just pull it up on my laptop.”
“The rest of the chemistry department faculty and I were deeply saddened when we found out that Nimkin had exploded,” said Professor Zimmt, who was grudgingly sending a condolence email to Nimkin’s family. “Now that CHEM 0100 doesn’t have a teacher, one of us will have to cancel a fun elective that we’re teaching so we can take over the class. That’s just not a good situation for anyone.”
At press time, pieces of Nimkin left in the classroom forced maintenance staff to stay late.
