Sunday, October 25, 2020
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The Brown Noser

Protagonist In Teen Drama Drops Pill Bottle Onto Pregnancy Test, Knocking Over Empty Beer Can With Murder Weapon Inside

Published Friday, September 25th, 2020

On the latest episode of the teen drama Waterwind Falls, the protagonist, Allie Strong, dropped a pill bottle onto a pregnancy test, knocking over an empty beer can with the murder weapon inside.

“It was all such a blur,” said Allie, wiping her mascara. “I stuffed a sharpened nail file into a beer can at Derek’s party yesterday. I didn’t know what else to do, when Rodney challenged Derek to a knife fight on the football field the next day. It was all… such a blur.”

“This is maybe the most high-stakes knife fight I’ve been in,” said Derek, running a comb through his hair before he biked past the quarry to the football field. “The winner gets to take McKayla, the head cheerleader, to prom. The loser gets expelled.”

Before the fight could begin, though, the principal arrived and the crowd dispersed. Fleeing, Allie slipped on a baggie of cocaine hidden inside a pencil case. Derek caught her. Their eyes met as One Republic’s “Counting Stars” played and the credits rolled.

At press time, Derek was turning into a werewolf.

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