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The Brown Noser

Providence's Waterfire Ushers In New Season of Being Pretty Underwhelming

Published Friday, September 22nd, 2023

Providence’s Waterfire is preparing to usher in a brand new season of sounding much cooler than it actually is. “When I first heard about Waterfire I couldn’t believe it,” said freshman Chet Lewis. “The name was really eye-catching. Fire on water? Who ever heard of something like that? It sounded impossible. I had to see it for myself to believe it. But when my parents and I got there, it was pretty disappointing. It’s not like they light the water on fire or anything, it’s just a bunch of firepits down there. Nothing about it was impossible or even groundbreaking. I could have made that myself. They try to make it seem magical with these weird sort of ethereal humming songs and Venetian Gondoliers. I guess it would seem magical if you closed your eyes.” At press time, College Hill began preparing for another season of seeming more like a mountain.

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