Taking her purebred bulldog to the vet, Maddison Kern was surprised to learn that, despite her dog’s constantly smiling face, every moment of his existence is filled with constant, unyielding horror. “Wally always looks so happy, I would never have guessed he’d have so many health issues,” commented Kern, unaware of the fact that her dog’s adorably flat face physically constricts its airway. “He seems like such a carefree pup! There’s no way his constant grin and impossibly cute eyes could be the result of anything other than the joyful life he has in my home.” At press time, Wally’s vet prescribed him two sets of five pills on three different schedules.

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