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The Brown Noser

REPORT: Cave Drawings Were Pretty Shitty By That Time’s Standards Too

Published Friday, September 15th, 2017

After unearthing a photorealistic drawing of a buffalo carbon dated back to 20,000 years ago, a team of archeologists affiliated with National Geographic assert that cave drawings were pretty shitty by that time’s standards too.

“For so long we’ve been praising cave paintings for how advanced they must have been for their time,” said J.B. Evans, the project’s lead archaeologist. “But now knowing that this quality of art was around back then, we know that the customary paintings were trash. I mean look at this drawing from Kapova Cave. You can’t even tell if it’s a horse or a buffalo depicted, the stick figures are incredibly juvenile, and the proportions on the man holding the bow and arrow are completely off. Now we know that it’s crap by today’s standards but was also crap back then.”

Evans went on to praise the newly discovered cave painting for it’s use of shading, balance, and a distinct foreground and background, all of which are lacking in the more traditional cave art.

“They’re doodles,” continued Evans. “And we’ve just been kidding ourselves into thinking they were anything more than glorified finger paintings. I mean, nothing depicted in them is original; none of them have a fresh take.”

“And would it have killed them to thrown in some greens or blues for contrast?”

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