Expanding the concept of what one could consider a vegetable, the Sharpe Refectory recently announced their plans to fuck up a literal carrot stick. “We’re planning to soak the carrots in vinegar, dehydrate them all the way through, cut them up into really weird shapes that vary in thickness, and then make sure every stick includes a sketchy green part,” said the Vice President of University Dining Services in a recent press conference on crudité. “I think most people make carrot sticks by buying carrots and then cutting them up into sticks, but that doesn’t really seem right to me.” At press time, the V-Dub announced their plans to somehow fuck up ketchup.

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