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The Brown Noser

Ratty Meal Bags To Include Life-Size Rashid Zia Posters For Students To Eat Lunch With

Published Friday, February 5th, 2021

According to Brown Dining Services, Ratty meal bags will now include life-sized Rashid Zia posters alongside which students will be able to eat lunch.

“We asked ourselves what students missed the most during quarantine, and the answer was clear: having lunch with Dean of the College Rashid Zia,” explained Dylan Speigel, the Brown Dining Services coordinator and mastermind behind the initiative. “Without Dean Zia roaming the Ratty, Brown just isn’t the same.”

The poster will be distributed along with lunch bags from the Sharpe Refectory meal pick-up site, and it will depict a tastefully posed Rashid Zia, standing up and wearing his usual dress shirt and tie. In the photo, Dean Zia greets the student with a kind smile, looking just as though he’s about to make awkward small talk with them about their concentration.

“Why would anyone want to break quarantine to eat with their friends when they can just prop up this 5’10” poster in a chair and talk to it instead?” asked Speigel as he proudly displayed his own Dean Zia taped to his office wall. “Students can have a movie night, even take their Zia for a nice picnic on the green. Plus, if you miss your roommate, you can tuck your Rashid Zia into the next bed over and pretend he’s sleeping. The possibilities are endless!”

At press time, the Blue Room was preparing a poster of Gail from which students can pretend to buy food.

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