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Pointing out that its bright fuchsia color was not consistent with period style, witnesses reported Monday that area Revolutionary War reenactor David Batterman’s thong was cleary visible. Sources confirmed that Batterman, an actor portraying an 18th-century soldier at a reenactment the Battle of Quaker Hill, seemed either blissfully unaware or indifferent that the waistband—if it could even be called that—of his lace undergarment was sitting above the top of his thick, wool trousers and somehow well below his coat.
“He’s got a real whale tail situation going on there,” said Tracy Potts, covering her children’s eyes as Batterman’s regiment began a bayonet charge. “That can’t possibly be comfortable. It’s going to ride up for sure with all that running and sweating.”
Visitors to the weekend-long living history event said that despite the prominent display of the flashy underwear, Batterman’s performance was flawless.
“I was eating it up when he got hit,” said spectator Warren Mitchum. “He was twisting and turning and gasping for breath. For a second I caught myself thinking that maybe they did wear thongs back then.”
At press time, Batterman was visibly vaping from the spot where he had died in the middle of the field.
