Partly Cloudy, 64°
In a terrifying report from Providence today, the birth control I purchased from Temu is doing some insane stuff to my mind and body.
“You are not dying,” I said to myself in the mirror today, but it was to no avail: my legs had stopped bending and my ears were wayyyy bigger than usual. “I am normal,” I continued, not believing myself, feeling jittery and paranoid from the Temu brand birth control.
“Nobody is out to get me,” I affirmed under my breath, but it was no use, my system was no match for Temu’s extra-strength birth control pills, and I felt my insides twisting and turning in unnatural and concerning ways. “All this to control my hormonal acne!” I lamented as my jaw twitched and popped.
At press time, the bathing suit I purchased from Shein disintegrated immediately upon contact with water.
