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Sources from Warren Alpert Medical School recently made a terrifying announcement: Ahhh! Hemorrhoids!
“Yikes!” said clinical director Dr. Tabitha Lorraine as she carefully studied a medical chart that showed evidence of swollen veins in the anus and rectum areas. “That’s no good!”
“Goodness gracious!” noted head physician Dr. Morty Heinke, who covered his face with his hands at the mere thought of such an affliction. “It’s so icky!”
“Nooooo…” added Dr. Lorraine, who stuck her tongue out with disgust after being informed about the several weeks of treatment and medication that will be necessary before the anus returns to its appropriate status. “Jeez!”
At press time, sources from the Watson Institute released a harrowing statement: Wuh-oh! Inflation!
