Sources at Brown University recently confirmed that an entire ball of yarn was almost certainly very slurpable, just like an extra lengthy spaghetti noodle.

“What, you mean you’ve never thought about it?” commented Monica Tirico ‘26 while delicately twirling yarn on a fork inside the Ratty. “You clearly lack imagination.”

“Once you’ve established your slurp momentum, it’s smooth sailing,” continued Tirico, her words muffled by an increasingly large wad of yarn entering her mouth. “As long as you avoid getting rope burns on your esophagus, it’s not even that hard!”

At press time, Tirico bet that a big pizza could probably be tossed like a frisbee.

Article tools

• Print
• Email
• Tweet