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The Brown Noser

Report: Fuck It, Man Gonna Buy Sandwich At Metro Mart

Published Friday, May 12th, 2023

Running low on time for lunch, junior Ronald Jeefers is swallowing his pride and buying a sandwich from Metro Mart. “I usually come in here to buy a lighter or Snickers bar, but I really need to eat before my section. I’m out of options. It’s either eat this mystery bodega sandwich or starve,” stated Jeefers as he walked past the snacks and the cooler of old fruit to the dark corner of Metro Mart which houses the empty deli case. “I’m looking for sustenance, not enjoyment. As long as it doesn’t give me food poisoning, that’s all I can ask for. Though, I gotta say, I’m not confident in this egg salad.” At press time, the sandwich was alright.

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