According to a report put out by several of his friends, the nose of local man Greg Stavig is always runny. “I thought it was just a seasonal allergies thing, but that was, like, eight months ago,” said Bethany Sanchez, adding that, weirdly, he never appears to actually be sick. “He never really blows his nose, either. He just kind of wipes it on his the back of his hand or pretends to scratch his face while actually getting way in there with a thumb. If he were just fighting off a cold, I’d understand, but I honestly can’t remember a time when he wasn’t sniffling incessantly.” At press time, Stavig was politely declining a tissue.

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