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The Brown Noser

Report: Horse-Sized Duck Actually Composed Of Thirty Duck-Sized Horses

Published Friday, March 8th, 2019

After ruminating on the hypothetical choice between fighting one horse-sized duck or thirty-duck-sized horses, deeply confused eyewitnesses reported on Tuesday that the horse-sized duck is actually a towering, skillfully-maintained conglomeration of thirty duck-sized horses.

“The hypothetical is totally ruined now,” said zoologist Lia Morales, after rubbing her eyes and blinking at the monstrosity. “None of us have a choice any longer. It’s all horses, horses everywhere. Christ.”

Area man Alistair Semple, despondent after the discovery, admitted he no longer knew what he would choose. “I thought I was more afraid of fighting the duck, but these tiny horses can organize. I think they may have acquired a shared language.”

“Do you see how some of them are upside-down?” Semple went on, staring at the writhing pile of muscle and hooves that approximated the shape of an enormous duck with incredible accuracy. Semple then screamed, “How? How? Oh, look at the feet! Oh!” before running away.

At press time, all thirty horses remained undefeated.

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