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The Brown Noser

Report: Hot Guy Clearly The Protagonist

Published Friday, April 24th, 2020

Staring in awe as local hot guy John Steel confidently strutted down the street, onlookers agreed that he is clearly the protagonist of everyone else’s life.

“With looks like that, there’s no way he was meant to be a background character, or even a wacky supporting character,” said wizened mentor-type Harrison McGuffy. “He’s just so obviously the guy whose personal quest the world revolves around.”

“Everyone loves John, he’s super confident, not to mention you could just cut yourself on his jawline,” McGuffy continued, marveling at Steel’s perfect combination of natural charm, wit, and a stunning physique. “Clearly, we’re all just actors in the play of this man’s life.”

“He probably spends his days organizing talent shows to save local community centers, or helping police catch gangs of dangerous jewel thieves,” McGuffy said, before describing how Steel’s piercing blue eyes always have an effervescent twinkle to them. “The rest of us were obviously put on Earth only to elevate John, and watch as he comes to the inevitable apex of his hero’s journey.”

McGuffey added that while Steel was clearly a natural-born leader, you seem much more like an incompetent sidekick.

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