According to a recent report released by the Journal of Non-Mainstream Be- havior, an indie boy will fuck you up three months for every necklace he wears. “The composition doesn’t matter: pearl choker, classic chain, ironic cross, or beaded yarn that spells out ‘eat the rich,’” said lead researcher Rodney Bishop, running some tests to see if thrifted necklaces produce different results from those purchased at Urban Outfitters. “There is a direct link between the number of necklaces worn by an indie boy and how emotionally fucked up you will be when the relationship inevitably ends." The report also indicated a strong correlation between an indie boy’s nail polish color and his preferred form of emotional manipulation.

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