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A new report from Hollywood indicated that it was pretty fucked up how all three chipmunk brothers only wanted to date female chipmunks that looked like them but with a ponytail or two.
“When I heard that the boys got girlfriends, I was excited for them,” said the chipmunks’ caretaker Dave Seville, “but then when I saw Brittany, Jeanette and Eleanor, I was taken aback by how much they looked like the boys, except I guess, with a ponytail.”
“It’s pretty weird seeing the six of them together,” Seville continued, comparing photos of Alvin and Brittany to try to spot any minute differences in their faces, “they look like three sets of twins, or like six siblings maybe. Definitely not three couples. Yeesh.”
“You would think they would at least switch it up a little,” Seville added as he sent a text to Simon to try to convince him to stop wearing glasses and maybe gain some weight, “like maybe Alvin could date Eleanor or something, that way it wouldn’t look so freakish. I guess then he’d just be dating a girl that looks like his brother though.”
At press time, it was equally fucked up that everyone was just cool with Squidward being pantless at work.
