According to a recent report, mere minutes into the 7:00 PM news, local mom Ellie Wahlberg was talking about nightly newscaster like they were high school sweethearts.
“Oh my gosh, I love when he wears that suit. I always hope he wears it be- cause he seems so confident in it,” said Wahlberg, eyes transfixed on the TV while fiddling with her braid as though this stranger on TV was the man to whom she lost her virginity on that
moonlit evening after junior prom. “And I think he’s doing something new with his hair. It looks a little curlier today.”
“They don’t make them like that any- more, I’ll tell you that,” Wahlberg contin- ued, giddy like she were looking at the the hunk with whom she used to fool around at the drive-in movie theater. “He’s such a jokester, but he can be so stern and serious when he needs to be. And he’s so sweet. Can’t you just tell he’s sweet?”
At press time, local dad Tom Kinney was talking about national politician like they were in rival old-timey gangs.

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