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The Brown Noser

Report: Not Wearing Pants To Class Increases 1500%

Published Friday, April 24th, 2020

Since classes first moved online early this month, University researchers have reported a dramatic 1,500% spike in the number of students not wearing pants to class. “The incidence of pantslessness during lectures has seen a stunning rise in recent weeks,” reported head researcher Michelle Cochran, noting that this trend showed no signs of slowing. “Our early data indicates that even if students are wearing a shirt on top, it is increasingly unlikely that they are wearing pants.” At press time, bringing dogs to class had also reached an unprecedented high.

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