Beginning a socially distant conversation from six feet apart, two friends reportedly began circling closer together like a binary star system.
“Jen! It’s been so long, you look great,” said Patrick Haley as he and his friend Jen began orbiting counterclockwise around a common center of mass like an awe-inspiring astronomical phenomenon.
In a recent Creative Nonfiction discussion section, Sophomore Lindsay Loughlin redirected the conversation topic like she was staging a coup.
“On an unrelated note,” Loughlin triumphantly declared, firing the first shot to topple the class’s power structure.
Writing a piece for his Creative Nonfiction class, sophomore Steven Peppers was just a little too eager to use the word “teat.” “Yeah, Steven really wanted to read his piece first, and was super excited when he read this one part and used the word ‘teat,’” remarked fellow classmate Nicole Claro, adding that the prompt was to “write about the city you grew up in” so it was unclear how or why he snuck “teat” in.
Since classes first moved online early this month, University researchers have reported a dramatic 1,500% spike in the number of students not wearing pants to class. “The incidence of pantslessness during lectures has seen a stunning rise in recent weeks,” reported head researcher Michelle Cochran, noting that this trend showed no signs of slowing.