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The Brown Noser

Report: Oh No, Dad Talking To Waitress Again

Published Friday, October 29th, 2021

According to family members near Mickey’s Midtown Diner, oh no, area dad Bill Henderson is talking to the waitress again.

“Oh no, oh god, oh for the love of god make him stop,” said Henderson’s son Jackson, cringing in horror as his dad insisted on addressing the waitress by name. “Every goddamn time she comes over here he insists on asking her personal questions and making weird puns that only he laughs at.”

Henderson’s family also reported that this was their patriarch’s third and least successful attempt to strike up a conversation with the waitress, following repeated attempts to insinuate to the 25-year-old waitress that his teenaged son is single.

“He must know that this is quite literally torture for all of us, right?” continued the younger Henderson, alternating between glares at his mom to get her to do something and mouthing ‘I’m so, so sorry’ to the poor waitress. “There’s no way he can think this is going well oh good god he’s flagging her down again no no no NO stop stop stop please please god make it stop.”

At press time, Henderson didn’t tip nearly enough to make any of this worth the waitress’s time.

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