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The Brown Noser

Report: Parents Somehow Still Married?

Published Friday, September 25th, 2020

To everyone’s surprise, area teenagers Jessie and Luke Strumford’s parents are still very much together.

“For a while I was really sad that my parents’ marriage wasn’t going to work,” Jessie explained. “But now I’m just confused. Like this really doesn’t make any sense. How? And why? They seem genuinely unhappy all of the time.”

Luke explained that once he went away to college for freshman year, he and Jessie braced themselves for the seemingly inevitable rift that would form between their parents, who have been fighting every single day for the past decade.

“I put my clothes into two piles — clothes to keep at my mom’s and clothes for dad’s,” he added. “And when I came home for winter break, all my high school friends asked me where my dad was moving. But nothing happened, so I guess they’re still married? Like… Good for them? I guess?”

At press time, the whole family was sitting down for a “family dinner."

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