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The Brown Noser

Report: Rise In Girlboss Population Not Reflected In Number Of Female CEOs

Published Friday, March 12th, 2021

A new study has determined that the recent increase in girl bosses is in no way related to an increase in the number of female CEOs.

“We saw a sharp rise in the number of women identifying as ‘girl bosses’ this past year,” explained Dr. Rebecca Mayfield, an expert in female empowerment and leaning in. “Surprisingly, we have seen no quantitative increase in the number of female CEOs. This begs the question: what are these girls the bosses of?”

Researchers have found that most women who self-identify as girl bosses do so after completing a task such as sending an email, going to the gym, or making a phone call.

“We had hypothesized that with such an influx in girl bosses, the gender gap in business could be completely eliminated,” Mayfield continued, shaking her head sadly as she Googled the demographics of the Fortune 500 CEOs. “We were hugely mistaken. Instead of running multi-billion dollar businesses, I suspect that many of these women are bosses at things like making cold brew or replying quickly on Slack.”

At press time, Mayfield was startled to discover that an increase in bad bitches was directly correlated to a rise in the number of women running for political office.

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