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The Brown Noser

Report: Shower Mold Making Unprecedented Rebound After Defeat

Published Friday, November 1st, 2024

In a turn of events that has left fans buzzing, shower mold is having a remarkable comeback following a crushing defeat earlier this season.

“We really couldn’t have anticipated the ability of shower mold to swiftly shake off our last match and get back out there with new vigor,” said sophomore Kenny Chen, the ringleader of Barbour 250’s victorious charge against shower mold during bathroom chores two weeks ago. “Their strengths really align with our weaknesses, unfortunately. I think our team needs to work a lot harder at keeping our eyes peeled and making sure we aren’t letting any offense slip through, and shower mold happens to be particularly good at just hiding out until it can make a quick move and overwhelm us.”

“After suffering a significant loss in their last match, a lot of us had written off shower mold as a team struggling to find its footing and not really worth worrying about,” said Chen’s suitemate Nasir Ali, standing in front of a whiteboard to rework a complex tactical maneuver. “We think the defeat was a harsh wake-up call for them, highlighting a fatal lack of cohesion. But instead of allowing the loss to derail their season, the shower mold took notes and rallied, and I’ll tell ya, we’re definitely up against an adversary that came back stronger.”

At press time, fridge shelf grime was cruising through yet another undefeated season.

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