Sunday, September 25, 2022
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The Brown Noser

Report: Some Freshman From THE City, Others Just From A City

Published Friday, September 16th, 2022

A new report revealed that some students are from THE city, while others are just from A city.

“Interestingly enough, some students are from THE city while others are from different cities,” stated the report. “Students from THE city attended important schools, while students from A city likely just went to high schools named after presidents.”

The report added that students from THE city can also be recognized by insular social circles, having names such as Elliot or Victoria, and smoking cigarettes.

“The biggest differences are in beliefs and values. Students from THE city are more focused on mergers, acquisitions, and thrifting corsets," the report continued. "Students from A city are focused on normal things, like homework.”

At press time, the report made no further conclusions, as all students from THE city were in New York for the weekend.

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