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The Brown Noser

Report: Somehow, Still No Open Tables In Blue Room

Published Friday, April 24th, 2020

A recent report has shown that, despite the global pandemic, there are still no open tables in the Blue Room.

“I really thought this was my chance,” said senior Meredith Whitney. “I’ve been trying to snag a Blue Room table for four years now, and when they announced that they were sending everyone home I thought OK, I have a pretty good shot. They can’t have bake sales that take up like five different tables if the school’s shut down.”

“But every time I go to the blue room now, it’s still mobbed," Whitney said, recalling how the space seemed to defy all norms of social distancing and prohibitions on public gatherings. "I don’t know who all those people were. I couldn’t even snag one of those weird high-backed chairs in the lobby.”

At press time, somehow the Andrews line was still out the door.

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