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The Brown Noser

Report: Spring Semester Mostly Winter

Published Friday, March 6th, 2020

A new study has shown that the period known as “Spring Semester” is, in fact, mostly just more winter.

“You would expect that something called ‘Spring Semester’ would take place almost entirely in the season of spring,” commented lead researcher Jannie Farnsworth. “But our study found conclusively that this assumption is false.”

“Spring doesn’t even begin until the end of March, which is nearly two whole months after the semester begins," Farnsworth continued. "That’s over halfway through the semester!”

“Moreover, even after the spring equinox passes in mid-March, we observe that snow may still fall and you may still need to wear a jacket on some days,” Farnsworth concluded.

At press time, another study showed that the fall semester is at least a quarter summer.

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