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Breakthrough research has recently confirmed that a wooden stake through the heart is equally effective against normal people.
“After much testing, including recently-approved human trials, we have concluded that this method is effective regardless of vampiric identity,” said Bethany Sorkin, pointing out the remarkable anatomical similarities between vampires who were once human and humans who are still human. “It turns out that, just like vampires, humans are particularly vulnerable to destructive physical trauma to the heart.”
“This is a huge revelation, and will hopefully address the over-diagnosis of vampirism among heart stabbing victims,” Sorkin proudly announced, solemnly adding that there was still much work to be done to reduce the vampirism epidemic among socially-inept middle schoolers who don’t spend enough time outside. “We hope our findings will help highlight the dangers of mixing wooden stakes and human hearts, especially among the troubled youth of today.”
At press time, silver bullets also worked on normal wolves.
