According to a recent report out of San Batista High School, twerp Aidan Gould is incredibly scrawny. “He is a textbook wimp. I looked at him and thought, ‘That is the wiriest little runt I’ve ever seen,’” said local bully Chuggs Dunck, reflecting on what a startlingly puny shrimp Gould was. “Seeing a pipsqueak that feeble was like Christmas morning for me.” At press time, cretin oafish.

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