According to a recent report, dorm resident Patrick Hamlin said ‘wow’ after discovering that his pillow is very yellow. “I was washing my sheets for the first time this school year, and I took off the pillow case and just thought, ‘wow,’” Hamlin said as he admired the bruised-banana tones of the once cloud-white pillowcase. “I had no idea a pillowcase could turn that yellow. Well, not completely yellow. There’s sort of a brown circle where I usually put my head. When I took off my comforter, I also found crumbs, a few little pebbles, and the pair of scissors I thought I lost crumpled in the sheets at the foot of my bed,” said Hamlin, shaking the dust out of his crusty amber sheet and jamming it into his laundry basket. “When I put the fresh sheets back on my bed, it was like I was in a completely new room. Unrecognizable.” At press time, Hamlin said ‘wow’ after cleaning his mini fridge interior, which was very sticky.

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