Recent reports state that Zeus, King Of The Gods, Lord Of The Sky, Father Of Eagles, and Wielder Of Lightning, has been spotted in the mortal realm having a sneaky little on-and-off thing with your mom.
“Sorry you didn’t hear it from me, kiddo, I just didn’t want you to worry about it in the middle of midterms,” said your mom over FaceTime last week after you saw a news report about abnormally sensual weather patterns emanating from her house. “Zeus is a great guy, and a wild, passionate lover, but just know that nobody can replace you as my special little man.”
“I’m so glad you understand,” continued your mom as you spotted behind her a muscular, 10-foot humanoid mass of crackling lighting and thunderclouds making pancakes in your kitchen and petting your dog. “Hey, when you get home for break, maybe you can join me and Big Z at this new Mediterranean place we’ve been going to. He wants to hear about all of your big adventures at school. Oops—gotta go, love you pumpkin!”
At press time, Priapus, Lord Of Livestock and Ruler Of Orchards, was getting pretty much zero game with anybody.

Article tools

• Print
• Email
• Tweet